This time of the year can be really beautiful with the reminder to reflect, connect, smell the flowers. But even as we embrace beauty, our minds have such power to cast a different hue.
Many deaths in my family have taken place this time of the year and even though consciously I feel completely whole in relation to these transitions, the power of the subconscious has a strong tug towards melancholy. Add on to this subconscious low of a boatload of travel last week, the energy required by being “on” much of it, missed connections due to airline misdirects, and then passing a holiday alone in a hotel room with horrible hot water flow and only intermittently flushing toilet, a dog attacking and scratching up my car, well, by yesterday morning despite the great weather my glass was feeling pretty empty. Knowing that no matter what I endeavored to do, my starting point would skew my perspective, I opted to spend time alone – not in withdrawal or to lament or lick wounds, but to regain the equilibrium of a neutral state by doing things that give me that.
I got up around 6AM and meditated, then grabbed a latte and headed to a nearby park for as much sweat, silence and fresh air as I could find. I let myself stay as long as I needed – no commitments. I topped that with a leisurely breakfast (huevos rancheros), and gave myself as much time as I wanted to read the paper. Returning home, I took as much time as needed, making sure not to rush any movement and be present to the light, the temperature, all the interactions no matter how transactional. When I got home I took a long bath, put on clothing I love, even took another walk with my dog around my neighborhood. Net net: by late afternoon I was still in a complete FUNK. DOWN. It happens.
I wasn’t sure what to try next to right my mood – I had tried movement, nature, self care, bonding with my little dog, and even nourishment to remind myself of my own wellbeing and nothing had really worked. So knowing I had a life change workshop to facilitate today, I gave up and took a dive into youtube looking for relevant, well-told stories on overcoming difficulty, getting THROUGH our challenges rather than just managing them. After all, when in doubt, always come from your truth.
You can imagine that in my negative state of mind, these images didn’t go over so well. Navigating through clip after clip, I discarded one after another for this reason or that – this one has sappy music, that one only features male examples, that other one feels preachy, I’ve seen that one a million times. Even with all that imperfection, something interesting happened: my mood shifted. By the time my eyes were tired from looking and my belly was grumbling for dinner, in 30 minutes of immersion in ideas of YES, I was completely reminded of the quality of our lives as being determined by HOW we respond to whatever stimulus we experience – internal or external. Focusing on inspiration for my class participants, on finding the right story about getting through difficulty resulted in a shift in my own state of mind. Imperfect as each of those clips might have been, by the end of my little research project I was in a completely empowered mood.
It reminded me: choose your mental diet. Don’t let perfection get in the way of a healthy dish.
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